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Ode to Hanging Jowls
Do your jowls hang low
as they wobble to and fro?
If they wiggle, squiggle, jiggle
like a loose-skinned foe
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Please do sing along but do not despair...
Are you tired of jiggly jaggly jowls
that sag as they wiggle,
to sway on both sides
and droop down in the middle?
So go swoop it all up
with skin so tight and taught
by using what nature gave you
to remodel what you've got.
Remember in the past when we worried
about our "Ears Hanging Low"?
NOW, we worry about our jowls and
everything else hanging low!
Tame Your Gentle Skin
Feel this vibrant spirit tame your skin
Lipid laps of wonder drench your cheeks.
Uncover gentle skin,
a flowering breeze
demures your sun kissed lips
and moon swept grin
with grace embrace your face
and do begin
to feel this vibrant spirit tame your skin.
Fiesty Follicles
Say 'Hi!' to follicles
Say 'Hi!' to follicles
Oh feisty molecules
on top of copper
my uncut locks
so rich and wicked
plush lush and thick
my hair affair
flow flower pot
with roots so deep
to sprout the vine
oh suave fair
let hair strands shine.
Furnish Your Face
We decorate our castles,
fresh with French country flair,
draped in Asian quilts,
fashion furniture fare
to fuse Italian,
Victorian,
African galore
with exotic antiques and
rare art decór.
We flash our homes in dashing din
yet we won't admit pampering
or primping our skin.
Though our body be our castle,
we're too embarrassed to share
the time spent adorning our image so fair.
Cosmetic Counter
(Advice from Baby Jane)
Today at the cosmetic counter
I cringed in a caustic encounter
with baby faced Jane,
age 18 and inane,
pushing products she can't even ponder.
Modeling her wrinkle free skin,
Jane claimed I could begin
to erase years from my face
and tighten my chin.
Clueless, her pitch made me flounder.
A wee babe in the woods has a hunch
That even pork rinds will make young skin glow.
The only miracle a sales clerk knows
is to sell enough junk to make money for lunch,
pushing potions in a corrosive road show.
Maturing Lines & Vines
As I graze the soul of time,
maturing skin like vintage wine,
so young at heart yet sweet and deep,
our golden years enrich the vine.
While young grapes fall
before their time
still half asleep go undefined.
Nurture maturing skin
for a grape bouquet bonanza.
Full of grace,
let young hearts shine.
Wry wine will ripen senses.
Fine line and wrinkled glances
delight the mindful heart.
Stepford Wives of the Cosmetic Cartel
These nerve inhibitors are numbing my cute little brain,
turning me into a Stepford Wife,
As they rearrange my plumbing
from dumbstruck to deranged,
do I slather neuropeptides on my face
or go under the knife?
Or is this a puppeteer plot to yank my chains,
modeling neuropeptides and lingerie
with my wrinkle free brain.
Baking cookies for Doctor Strange Med,
I'm his marionette pet,
whose serums have singed me
but I sure ain't dead yet.
With my mind numbing serum
I'm his show dog at the vet.
My derm is my pimp.
I'll love him to my death.
So let nerve inhibitors
inhibit my wrinkles,
inhibit my brain,
inhibit my purse strings
with inhibitions ingrained.
Well, I guess I better go now.
I need to iron my face and linens.
They both share a high thread count.
Stepford Wives (1975) Motion Picture - Based on a novel by Ira Levin
Brow Wars
Metallic UFOs Have Landed in My Eye Shadow!
No these are not friendly green Martians abducting my makeup.
This alien brew of chemical dyes, metallic salts, and optical diffusers
unleashes venom while abducting its prey.
Women apply foreign chemical critters and
wonder why their eyebrows fall out or their skin turns sallow.
Well, it's the Invasion of the Hair Snatchers.
These alien thugs damage hair follicles and
rob us of our beautiful eyebrows.
For years, I painted my eyebrows, not because I needed to,
but I wanted to enhance them.
Now I have no choice but to paint what meager brows that remain
because the aliens preyed upon my vellus follicles.
And these are the very follicles that produce stem cells for new skin.
And so now, I've not only lost eyebrows,
I've aged my skin as well.
What's a poor girl to do?
Just take it from me ladies,
it's best to use as few color cosmetics as you can,
especially when they have a list of alien ingredients
that you can't even pronounce.
Polish Your Jewels
Your nails are jewels – not tools,
Tough as nails though they be,
Protecting the fingers like hard shells at sea,
Covering delicate nail moons
With hair shining glances
Refueling pink painted pinkies
And tip toed nail dances.
Do care for your jewels with true love and garnish.
But refrain from rough tough chemical varnish.
So treat your nails kindly with each lacquered coat.
Bedazzle
Be noticed
Wave fingers
Curl toes!
Line Removers Frozen in Time
I'm freezing my face off so it won't grow old.
Like a petrified dummy, I'll put lines on hold.
Gluing my expression while numbing my mind,
I'm an Egyptian mummy all frozen in time
Let muscle numbing toxins
box me right in
a facial glacier girdle
to tighten my skin.
I guess I look younger when I stand perfectly still
relaxing my contours so that lines won't reveal
that muscles grow limp when they can't move a stitch
under iced shiny armour.
Now ain't that a bitch?
So bring on the line filling
time chilling thrill
to look instantly younger
not knowing what's real.
The Skin Disintegration Cycle
Beauty and the Beast of Cosmetic Deception
(I'm Melting, Melting, Melting...)
Do you feel venom and malice
when crows feet align your eyes?
So go take that venom inside
from a feisty cobra that probes you.
Inject with a toxic disguise.
Hisssss Screech Sigh. Oh My!
Now let Botulism poison reside in your lines
so that wrinkles fade away.
As your muscles grow dumb struck and numb from the junk,
you say, "My emotions are withered fray."
Void of expression and poisoned with deception,
you yearn for the gentler days.
Bring back crows feet to dance upon your withered brow,
and prance upon on your flaccid face.
Now laugh your numbness away.
So what's another quick fix
to shave years from your fears of old age?
Forget your lined eyes and wear shades.
Denial is currently the rage.
Now pucker up and harvest your lips.
Inject collagen for a thick wicked grin.
If that doesn't work, try lasers.
When your lips plump so much, that it's hard to eat lunch,
whiten your teeth and wear blazers.
